I write this because for the first time in my life, self doubt is gone and the call to action pushes me forward. Previously a lot of people hated on me, they said I'd fail at school, I'd fail in becoming a stronger version of myself .. My life purpose was to work at meijer make 28k a year than retire. Maybe become a manager, become their bitch make like 35k a year and be happy. Never achieve my goals never reach my full potential.
This is basically Robert banker saying fuck you. I blazed my own bath, now it is time to use my god given gifts to succeed. I refuse to be a bitch to the system. I will succeed and I will make my parents have a comfortable retirement and those around me.
I rebuke your "comfortable easy path" let me lather in 12 hour days and 35k a year and hating my job. You can't stop my dreams, I appreciate the push. When I'm on the mountain top .. You get nothing from me
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
Moving toward the end
One of the biggest lessons I ever learned was that you can always change your life for the better. Sometimes the setbacks are put there for a reason to help you relaunch yourself. My journey over the last 18 months has taught me a lot about myself, I learned that I can overcome any obstacle in my path. As long as I ask god for help for the right things and not for unnecessary things, I defeat the obstacle. I had to learn not just to pray for help, but to ask others for help. There is always a way to make things happen, there can always be one hour less worked, slept or spent being sad,
Another key point is, you have to not dwell on things. If you're at work and work sucks you have to mentally exit the situation. Yes it's important to make money, but it's more important to be yourself. If you have to call off or go in late to take care of something do it. The job is basically temporary and the people there really only want to put you beneath them. You have to find who actually cares about you and them in, not just anyone who will chat with you. In all aspects of life only talk to people who want the best for you.
However, this does not mean those who talk trash to you in video games or sports are bad. The ability to compete in friendly battles in fantasy sports or games is a great outlet. You need to fill time with activities you enjoy that allow you to learn about new things,
Obviously, I'm putting ideas down for future uses. The one truth that I have found in this journey, is never listen to what someone who is still in the battle says. Read their eyes, their body language. The saddest most insecure people are the ones who share the most "fuck everybody Im a strong woman" shit. Confidence is quiet... confidence doesn't have to brag about life.. you don't need people to see you as an icon.. because internally you are whatever you want to be. Then and only then can you defeat your issues in life and move forward.
As I continue to mess with this...
Remember this first and foremost. Whatever happens when you are back to normal again, remember balance. Then also remember that there is no changing for anyone else. You have to live to please yourself, not whatever girl you have a crush on or etc.
Another key point is, you have to not dwell on things. If you're at work and work sucks you have to mentally exit the situation. Yes it's important to make money, but it's more important to be yourself. If you have to call off or go in late to take care of something do it. The job is basically temporary and the people there really only want to put you beneath them. You have to find who actually cares about you and them in, not just anyone who will chat with you. In all aspects of life only talk to people who want the best for you.
However, this does not mean those who talk trash to you in video games or sports are bad. The ability to compete in friendly battles in fantasy sports or games is a great outlet. You need to fill time with activities you enjoy that allow you to learn about new things,
Obviously, I'm putting ideas down for future uses. The one truth that I have found in this journey, is never listen to what someone who is still in the battle says. Read their eyes, their body language. The saddest most insecure people are the ones who share the most "fuck everybody Im a strong woman" shit. Confidence is quiet... confidence doesn't have to brag about life.. you don't need people to see you as an icon.. because internally you are whatever you want to be. Then and only then can you defeat your issues in life and move forward.
As I continue to mess with this...
Remember this first and foremost. Whatever happens when you are back to normal again, remember balance. Then also remember that there is no changing for anyone else. You have to live to please yourself, not whatever girl you have a crush on or etc.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
5 years later
I barely ever use this blog, I use to have a few more intense blogs lined up but I took them down when I went on probation. It's kinda hard to blog on an ipad lol.
Today I will put this entry in to serve as a reminder to myself.I was looking through my facebook on this day stuff and noticed 5 years ago today I had my knee rebuilt. Which was pretty much the lowest point of my life. I say this because the pain was the worst I ever experienced, the ensuing using pain killers all the time and then buying more off the streets changed my life. This period was so depressing, I was still stuck up on girls from the past. I had nothing to do but lay in bed and watch tv and get faded.
The key point to this is that everyone falls down sometimes. It's a part of the growing process of life. You need these experiences to help build and mold your future self. I barely talk to anyone I knew from this time period except my closest friends. There is a reason for this, you have to change your life to get out of the darkness. Then you must continue to move forward out of the depression and into a new better way.
I'm 132 pounds of muscle now, I look and feel better than ever. But it happened because of these experiences that molded me.
Today I will put this entry in to serve as a reminder to myself.I was looking through my facebook on this day stuff and noticed 5 years ago today I had my knee rebuilt. Which was pretty much the lowest point of my life. I say this because the pain was the worst I ever experienced, the ensuing using pain killers all the time and then buying more off the streets changed my life. This period was so depressing, I was still stuck up on girls from the past. I had nothing to do but lay in bed and watch tv and get faded.
The key point to this is that everyone falls down sometimes. It's a part of the growing process of life. You need these experiences to help build and mold your future self. I barely talk to anyone I knew from this time period except my closest friends. There is a reason for this, you have to change your life to get out of the darkness. Then you must continue to move forward out of the depression and into a new better way.
I'm 132 pounds of muscle now, I look and feel better than ever. But it happened because of these experiences that molded me.
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